Not Exactly A Brazilian Work Of Art

1. Pamela Love ring

2. Alexander Wang clutch

3. T By Alexander Wang top

4. Annina Vogel diamond studs

5. Satine skirt

6. Nars eyeshadow duo

7. Louis Vuitton boots

HERRO READERS! I was cursed with horrible hair. That's a lie. It's pretty, but I hate it. So I used to get the japanese straightening treatment, which made my hair too flat which is NOT flattering on my massive head. So now I get the brazilian treatment. Which is a miracle. Unfortunately, I can't get my hair wet for three days, and in this heat, that means no going outside either. I definitely follow closer attention to my stylist's orders than my doctors.

SOOO I'm actually in lounge clothes, and trust me, no one wants to see those. I am no charmer in sweats and glasses. I wore this sweet number to an art gallery opening over the weekend, and I ironically referred to it as my No, I Am Not The Work Of Art outfit. Although, honestly, the skirt and shoes are works of art to me. I would frame them if I didn't prefer to crawl up in a fetal position and nuzzle them instead. The porportions of this ensemble are difficult for me to pull off, because I do not have a model body, however with a few tweaks, it ended up looking fabulous. The shirt half tucked in, the black band compliment my waist, the long skirt making my legs look long, and the open toe booties to remind people that yes, I have skin and I am willing to show it. As shocking as it may be, I kept the jewelry pretty simple which still involves a violent looking ring. I finished the look off with a cat eye done with wet navy shadow and a pale pink highlighting shimmer. I may or may not have tried out a top knot. I may or may not have looked like a jackass. 

Unzip My Skirt, And I'll Knock You Out

1. See By Chloé bag

2. Ninh Wysocan earrings

3. Maison Martin Margiela rings

4. Acne top

5. Camilla Skovgaard shoes

6. Joanna Dahdah necklace

7. Acne skirt

8. Shashi bracelets

HEATWAVE! And I'm dressing the part. I can so rarely get away with dressing sexy, but when it's 105 degrees, no one will notice how much skin I'm showing. I might pass out in more clothing. I have to look slutty grandma. It's for my health. And notice, my skirt unzips down the front for easy access. Haha. Just kidding gma.

So I nabbed this Acne skirt the second it was available at Saks. I have about a million leather skirts already, but this one is so different, who could say no? Plus, I am already salivating over it's fall ensemble options. I chose a red asymmetrical Acne top with black accents because if it's as hot as hell outside, I might as well Dress Like The Devil. There's always a theme people. Apparently, I have nothing else important to think about. Spike earrings are devilish. The purse is tiny (thank GOD because no one wants to carry something heavy in the heat) and anything that small has to be evil right? Like a baby. Babies are evil. Spread the word. And how awesome are these rings? Simple, gold, structural, and different. Everything I love. Plus, imagine if some guy got a little handsy on the metro, I could knock him out. I do not support violence. Just violent jewelry. The necklace is new and I probably won't ever take it off, so just assume I'm wearing it everyday. The gray heels and bracelets finish the look with another neutral thrown in for good measure. Enjoy the weekend minions, and stay hydrated!

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Neon

1. Elizabeth And James sunglasses

2. Bobbi Brown eyeshadow

3. A.L.C. dress

4. Tom Binns necklace

5. Dannijo ring

6. Alexander Wang clutch

7. Elizabeth And James shoes

THIRSTY THURSDAY! There's a massive heatwave and it isn't very conducive to stylish dressing, but I say to hell with the sun! I will march on out of my house and brave the heat! For about 30 seconds, on the way to the cab. There's no way in hell I'm hanging outside right now. Sweat ruins suede. Remember that. And remember, My Eyes Are Up Here, Stop Staring At My Neck buddy. But, tonight will be a perfect opportunity to drink about a million ginger martinis. (Just kidding, that's called binge drinking kids. And that's bad. But I promise the ginger prevents ANY hangover. Just sayin.)

SOOO what's more comfortable than a cotton tee dress? A pool filled with cotton balls. Except they get in your mouth. I said comfortable, not tasty. The necklace is the single most amazing piece of jewelry I have ever worn. I love neon and bib necklaces and statement jewelry and rhinestones and dear god, if I could marry this necklace, I would. I'll settle for civil union. You'd think you wouldn't need anymore jewelry right? Wrong. Cause the mannequin just can't help herself. So a ring that doubles as a weapon? Sweet. How freaking cool are these sunglasses? They're dark enough to completely block out the sun and look interesting on top of my head cause I'm staying inside today. I love this clutch, but didn't realize the leather would stick to my underarm today. But, hey, holding a clutch with no hands!! Just sweat! Ew! Finish the look with simple shimmer eyeshadow and I am ready to be a pansy in the AC. 

Stop, Crop And Roll

1. Meadowlark earrings

2. Witchery clutch

3. Cacheral top

4. Bobbi Brown eyeshadow palette

5. Prism eyeglasses

6. Lover shorts

7. Deborah Lippmann polish in Bring On The Bling

8. Leifsdottir shoes

HAPPY HUMP DAY BLOGWORLD! So cropped tops. Can I say I'm glad that they're acceptable now? I am so very glad. Sure, they aren't appropriate most of the year. Or during most social situations. But I have been waiting for this since middle school, when I used to layer my cropped Calvin Klein gymnastics tee over a tank for school. It was the 90s. I thought I was pretty cool. And today I think I'm VERY cool because My Shirt Is Cropped, And The Jokes Don't Stop. Hmm...maybe I'm stuck in the 90s.

SOOO I also love high waisted pants/shorts/skirts/pajamas/aprons/straight jackets for the same reason I like cropped tops. I have an hourglass figure and the only part I actually like is my waist so I try to highlight it as much as possible. These platforms are gorgeous, the only thing I love more than snake print and neutrals is GOLD! The glasses are huge and awesome and give off a massive nerd vibe, which my hourglass and blonde hair appreciate. Serpents as bows. OH MY KARL yes. The clutch looks very PS1-y, but completely monotone, so I say double yes. Finally, I was very tempted to cover half my body with the nail polish and eyeshadow since they are both so lovely. But then I realized that would create some weird dried clump thing stuff on the little hairs on my arm, so I decided to just put down the cosmetics and walk away. Just say no ms. mannequin. Just. Say. No.

Look Mom, DIABM Jewelry

DID IT ALL BY MYSELF PROJECTS!!! Admission: I love making things. When I was little, I would make tiny food out of clay. Or 2D paper animals in 3D paper cages. Or my own weebles. Please tell me you all know what weebles are!!! Or lanyards. I also painted little mice on stones and sold them at craft fairs. Then I started making jewelry. Then I started sewing. Then I started knitting. I even needlepoint. 

SOOO I will never stop making things, which means I always have a project going. Right now, I'm working on a ton of jewelry. These are my current inspirations! (1) A mess of rose gold chains as a necklace. (2) Neon friendship bracelets with regular cotton floss. (3) Waxed cotton and gold/silver beads. (4) Waxed cotton and an assortment of beads as a wrap bracelet. (5) More neon floss and rhinestones. (6)  More beads! More waxed cotton! (7) More messy chains, this time as a ring. (8) Glass beads and string as a wrap bracelet. (9) More neon...bored yet? I'M NOT! Gold spikes. (10) Lace dipped in gold/silver and oxidized. (11) More string. More beads. More wrapping. I love this stuff. I will show you pictures of all the final products!

Princess And The Pee Frog

1. Rag And Bone dress

2. Iosselliani ring

3. Mulberry bag

4. Deborah Lippmann polish in Waking Up In Vegas

5. Elizabeth And James sunglasses

6. Meadowlark earrings

7. Elizabeth And James ring

8. Brian Atwood shoes

STORYTIME! I wore my Are You Blinded By My Shoes, Or Just Unhappy To See Me outfit Saturday afternoon, on my way to my favorite Italian cafe for a shaken iced espresso (drool) in my car with a friend. All of a sudden R points out that there's a frog on my hood while I'm driving 50 mph. To her, it's no big deal, but I immediately freak out cause I don't want it to fly off and splat on the road. "LOOK AT HIS EYES! HE'S TERRIFIED!" Then, I start feeling bad that he's now miles from his friends and family (because I am that weird). So two girls in heels and dresses are trying to "gently" (which involves a lot of arm flapping) remove a frog from a windshield, where he is undoubtedly frozen in fear, until finally, he jumps off after peeing on my windshield from pure horror. He hops away unscathed. R and I look like we were thrown off a cliff. The end.

SOOO despite my tousled (not in a sexy way) hair and smeared (not in a heroin chic way) makeup, I still managed to remain confident because, well who wouldn't in Rag And Bone and Brian Atwood? Probably a man. A boring, non cross-dressing man of course. The heels feel like jewelry for your feet and the bag is already a classic. I added a knuckle ring, star earrings (like the preteen I am at heart), my go to ring (like the obsessive compulsive I am at heart) and round lenses a la Lennon. And, I get a one of a kind look. Ta Da!

So Much Bling, So Little Time

1. Deborah Lippmann polish in I Know What Boys Like
2. Bobbi Brown lipstick in Pink
3. Enza Costa top
4. Z Spoke By Zac Posen bag
5. Carven skirt
6. Ginette_NY ring
7. Ray Ban sunglasses
8. Giuseppe Zanotti shoes


THANK GIUSEPPE IT'S FRIDAY! Oh my, so much to do, so little time. And this weekend won't even be relaxing. So I decided to take advantage of today by putting on my Casual Crystal Friday items. Now, you might be confused, because I'm painting my nails bright blue and wearing pink lipstick. But I didn't use a top coat or line my lips!! I'm living life on the edge!!! Haha. I'm so reckless.

SOOO I decided to wear this shirt half tucked in. I promise it has nothing to do with all the bunching from the shirt tucked in the back. Hmm, if you had to guess what color skirt I'd wear, I bet it'd be gray. And look! I never disappoint. Wait a minute. A black bag. I don't usually use a black bag. I'm mixing things up!!! Shit. There are bows. I'm so predictable. (PS HOW MUCH DO YOU LOVE THOSE BOWS???) I might use my simple, sleek, black ray bans more than my own toothbrush. And I brush my teeth A LOT. I was tempted to get this ginette_NY ring monogrammed, but then I decided I could think of something better to etch on there. See what I mean by so much to do?? Just kidding. Kinda. So these shoes. I love these shoes. I love, love, love them. My excuse for wearing them with my casual outfit are the thick heels. Yes, that makes them casual. It isn't weird that I wear them with yoga pants to pick up dry cleaning. Shut up!